Like for like...

I wanted him to be the one, I needed him to be the one. And I didn't realise until I felt the hurt of him not begin what I wanted him to be. We read books and believe the great love stories, we watch movies and believe that us to, we will fall in love in a great way. Until one day you realise that reality is just laughing at you. A while ago I read this poem  by Atticus: The doubters are just dreamers with broken hearts. Always, always have I been a dreamer, but he turned me into a doubter and I don't resent him for that, I blame myself. My mind is not strong enough to take over when my heart is in doubt. I'm great at giving advice and telling people to be tough, but I should learn to practice what I preach. You should not have to convince anybody to love you and I truly believe that. And honestly there's no rational reason to why I keep trying. He had me at hello, and the feeling I had lingers on and I can't shake it off. I was 100% sure that he felt the same. What he said and did all confirmed that. Until one day it didn't anymore and I'm desperately trying to get back what we had.

That's the thing about liking somebody, you can't force them to like you back. 

Just around the river bend...

Everyday a million things pop into my head. And there must have been a thousand stories that I have already told. But the problem is that I never put pen to paper. They stay in my head and never get immortalized by me writing them down. We are always on the go: going to work, going to a meeting, go to the gym, going to dinner,... It's how I enjoy living my life. I need to be surrounded by people and go from one activity to the other. A terrifying thought is that maybe one day I won't have anything planned, nothing to look foorward to, nothing coming next. It's a scary thought for most of us. What if all you can do is stand still and enjoy the now. Not many people really do it, I think because even though it can be liberating, it also is so real, so naked, so vulnerable that we don't want to go there. We don't want to get to a point where we have no next step because we are scared that the universe will not guide us to something next. Not something new, something next. Most people are not looking for a new thing, but the next thing. Even though tomorrow, next week, next month may be planned around something we have done repeatedly; it is enough. Why can we not be content with what we have and believe that the universe will guide is to where we are supposed to be. I like being down to earth, but I can't help but think that sometimes we are too down to earth. We are down in the earth unable to move and to change the current. Not brave enough to take time evaluate the as is and let the wind bring us to the to be. We would rather stay in the earth and look forward to winter, spring summer, autumn. Winter, spring, summer, autumn,... Even though what might be waiting can be a a whole new unexepcted season.

I know nobody reads my blog, but all women should read this:

http://wordsofkaterose.com/2015/08/12/you-dont-need-a-man-you-need-a-goddamn-warrior/